Kurgy, Are You Doing OK?
by Leoshishi-chan
Summary: Kurogane has just come out of the closet. His best friend Fai tries to help him through the trials, pushing down feelings he's had for his friend for a long time. But something happens to Kurogane. Can Fai help him recover?
1. New beginnings

Kurogane walked down the hall, ignoring the whispers he heard. He knew it was probably a bad idea-the choice he had made-but what was done was done. He tried to walk as surely as he usually did, even though he was severely nervous. He could feel the butterflies in his stomach churning as he reached his locker. Turning the combo on the lock, his locker swung open.

"Hey." A soft voice echoed in the brunette's ear. Kurogane turned towards the source of the voice.

"Hey Fai," Kurogane greeted. Fai grinned at Kurogane. His teeth were dazzlingly white, matching his fair complexion and dimpled grin. Kurogane tried to keep from staring. Finally able to look back at his locker, he picked up his books for the day. Fai watched him, leaning against the locker next to Kurogane's.

"So. I heard you finally came out of the closet. Just how did that come to be?" Kurogane shut his locker, a grim look on his face.

"I'd rather not talk about it, Fai," Kurogane warned. Fai only shrugged and pushed off the lockers to walk alongside the brunette jock.

"Suit yourself. You know, I think they already suspected since you hung out with me. I am the school gay you know." Kurogane rolled his eyes at that, but he knew it was true. To be honest, he didn't mean to always hang out with Fai, he just did. There was no one else who seemed unintimidated by him. He had met Fai at the beginning of middle school when everyone was just getting used to the hormones in the air. While walking down the hall, Kurogane had seen some kids beating up another and took it as his duty to protect his fellow classmate. He yelled away the other kids and held out his hand to help the kid up. The kid, who happened to be Fai, just stared at him, chuckling. He kept telling Kurogane how they would think Kurogane was a queer for saving him. Kurogane didn't know what that was so he asked Fai. After learning about it, Kurogane was still confused, but decided to go with it. As time went by, Kurogane realized he was gay. But he never said. No one ever asked and it wasn't their business anyway. However, the day before, someone had made a comment about a student at another school who had come out as gay and jokingly asked the entire team if they had any 'faeries' playing for with them. Kurogane's impromptu coming out had lead to some serious yelling matches.

"Whatever. Doesn't matter anyway. I don't give a shit what those assholes think. They just want people to pick on, but I don't think that they'll pick on someone who can cream their head in." Kurogane smirked, cracking his knuckles for effect. Fai laughed, knowing it was probably true.

"True true. Well I just hope things go ok for you, Kurgy." Fai grinned, well aware of how much his friend hated nicknames. Kurogane glared at him, but smiled anyway. They broke off to go to their seats, grinning.

"Hey! Hey Queen Queer!" A voice taunting called. Fai sighed and turned to face the boy behind him.

"What?" Fai was unamused. The boy looked at him, an inquisitive look on his face.

"Are you Kurogane's bitch?" Fai stared at the boy as if he was speaking a different language.

"What? No no no no no. We're just friends." Fai had often felt more than friendly feelings toward his friend, but it's not like he thought it would come to anything. The boy grinned maliciously.

"But no one else knows that, do they?" The boy's grin grew. Fai began to worry.

"Just what are you-"

"Woof bitch. Big doggy's bitch. Mrs. Suwa. Oh, this is gonna be fun, Queen." Fai turned to face the front of the room. He felt sick. He could throw up at any moment. But no such luck. It seemed he was going to have to go through the day listening to idiots yelling slurs. It wasn't like it bothered him, much, but Kurogane didn't need it. Not now.

Kurogane watched Fai's face, feeling angry. What the hell did that kid say to make Fai look so bewildered? Fai was his friend and even if he never seemed bothered by getting taunted, it still upset Kurogane that he had to deal with such idiocy. The bell rang, snapping Kurogane out of his thoughts. He saw Fai leave the room quickly, not even waiting for him. Kurogane frowned, figuring he would ask Fai about it at lunch. As he headed toward his second hour, he noticed the whispers had gotten louder. THere were more eyes on him. He took a deep breath and stood up taller. He could do this.

"Kurogane." Kurogane turned, locking eyes with his friend.

"Tomoyo." He offered a smile but she just stared at him.

"Be careful. You've really upset some people." Her brow furrowed in worry. Kurogane nodded.

"I know. I will be."

"You know, I would have recommended coming out and waiting a while before starting to date." This comment caught Kurogane off guard.

"Excuse me?" He stared, throat drying up. Tomoyo paused.

"You're not dating him?"

"Who?"

"Fai. People are talking about the fact that you and Fai are apparently dating now." Tomoyo frowned. Kurogane's eyes widened.

"Say what?"

"It's all around school that you two are together." Her voice was tight, anger seeping thorugh. Kurogane couldn't even form a reply, barely hearing the bell ring.

"I'll talk to you later, Tomoyo." He quickly ran off, hoping that something would get his mind off of him and Fai.

Fai sat on the bench in the locker room, looking at the floor. Condoms littered the floor, various colours and flavours smiling up at him. Normally, he would take it in good humor and fill them with butter, leaving them on all the other lockers, but today he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't stop thinking about Kurogane and all the rumors. They were beginning to make his patience wear thin.

"Hurry up!" Syaoran's voice echoed off the walls of the locker room. Fai stood, shaking his head to try and clear it.

"Don't get your panties in a twist. I'm coming."


	2. Contemplation

_**A/N: HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP. I haven't worked on this in a very long time, which I am sure has thoroughly pissed off some people. Or maybe not. Anyway, I finally got around to working on this. My main problem is that I don't know how to get to the situation that Kurogane is going to be in. I know WHAT is going to happen, but I'm still figuring out how to get there. But…eh.**_

_**Anyway, Tsubasa is NOT mine. It belongs to CLAMP and I only abuse my fan rights.**_

_**Also, just mentioning, thanks to everyone who reviewed this. I really do appreciate it. *Shogun tears***_

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Syaoran looked down at Fai, who was still sobbing into his shirt. The boy's eyes were wide and his jaw was slack as he stared at his friend. The brunette wasn't necessarily shocked, but that wasn't exactly what he had expected Fai to say. The blonde in his arms was no longer sobbing; he was just shaking and hiccupping occasionally. Syaoran gently lifted the blonde away from him and looked his friend in the eyes. Fai looked right back, jumping when he hiccupped.

"You like Kurogane?" Syaoran silently asked. Fai nodded, looking ashamed.

"I do. I like him so much. But, he is definitely not ready for a relationship yet. Not even a fake one, much less a real one. I mean, he just came out of the closet! He can't be ready yet! I just…." Fai bit his lip and closed his eyes. "I just don't know what to do. He's my best friend and I don't want to lose him over some silly crush."

"Are you sure you'd lose him? Kurogane is really accepting of things…generally. And honestly, the way you guys do things, I thought you two were together. Even when he was dating Tomoyo." Syaoran admitted. Fai's eyes widened comically in shock, and he gaped in disbelief.

"What? We just did the stuff normal friends would do!" Fai insisted.

"Oh please. Having picnics by the river? Going to the park to fly kites? Watching _Broke Back Mountain _together instead of _Saving Private Ryan_? You guys practically reeked of a homosexual relationship." Syaoran scoffed. Fai turned bright red and his mouth open and closed, though no words came out. Crossing his arms and pouting, Fai glared at Syaoran.

"Ok, so maybe those aren't the type of things most guy friends do together, but we had a lot of fun when we hung out." Fai pointed at Syaoran, jabbing the boy in the chest when he finished defending himself and Kurogane. Syaoran smugly smirked.

"Proving my point. Those are basically dates. You two have been dating and not even realizing it," the brunette stated. Fai looked, glared, down at his rainbow converse high tops and thought about what Syaoran was saying. It was true. What they did really qualified as dates and they always enjoyed their time out together. His face relaxed into its natural smile as he thought about it more. Maybe, just maybe, he could propose a relationship with Kurogane. But, he decided, he would wait until Kurogane felt comfortable being out and proud.

"Alright, fine. You're right. But I am so not going to suggest anything yet. At least, I won't until you do the same," Fai said, smirking. Syaoran's face fell and he turned red. Sakura was in their ring of friends and Syaoran had a major crush on the sweet naïve girl. She seemed to be interested in him as well, but the boy didn't seem able to see her attraction to him so he never made a move. Lightly punching Fai in the shoulder, Syaoran stood up.

"Shut up, fairy. We need to get to P.E." Fai just shook his head and smirked as Syaoran walked off and into the gym. Breathing in deeply, Fai followed him.

---

Kurogane glared at his Calc homework. The numbers were all jumbled on the paper and he was utterly confused. Cursing and slamming his pencil on his desk, Kurogane shifted his thoughts to what had been occurring all hour. Many of the kids in the class, most of them boys, had been hassling him continuously about Fai. They would jeer at him and make crude comments about his friend until he gave the boy next to him a black eye. The teacher hadn't even noticed when the boy started crying. Kurogane looked down up at the clock, wishing it was next hour. He had French with Fai and couldn't wait to talk to the boy and ask him what on Earth was going on. Grumbling he jumped when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"You know, I don't know if you should talk aloud to yourself. And, I don't think Fai knows exactly what is going on either," a soft voice said. Kurogane turned around to face a petite girl behind him. Her brown hair was in low pigtails and her bright green eyes smiled at him. Kurogane turned slightly pink and frowned.

"I…"

"Yes. You were talking to yourself." Sakura cut him off. Kurogane face palmed and groaned.

"Oh god…."

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone how you feel about him either," she said, a sadistic smirk covering her face. Kurogane looked at her like she had sprouted wings and told him that he was the next Tsar. She giggled and her cheerful look returned. "I heard you earlier as well. You were fighting with yourself about your feelings for Fai."

"…I am pretty sure I like him."

"I figured as much. An honestly, you've shown it."

"What?! How?!" Kurogane questioned.

"I don't know, maybe the day you two made BFF necklaces? Or the time you guys went to a dance together? Or was it the time you two went to _Rocky Horror _and you dressed as Rocky just to please Fai, who, may I remind you, was Frank-N-Furter?" As Sakura thrust examples into his face, Kurogane's brow furrowed.

"Isn't that stuff—?"

"JESUS NO," Sakura cut in. "You guys are blatantly gay together and just don't seem to notice it." Kurogane turned red and was about to protest when Sakura smiled at him kindly. "And honestly Kurogane, you two are perfect for each other." With that final statement said, the bell rang and Sakura rushed out. Kurogane sat in his seat, mouth open to reply, frozen.

They were?

TBC

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_**PSSSSH. EXCUSE THIS PITFUL EXCUSE FOR A CHAPTER.**_

_**Oh, and with the teacher thing? That actually happened to me. But instead of hitting the boy in the eye, I hit him in the stomach. It was hilarious. He said girls weren't as strong as boys, so I got angry and punched him in stomach. He doubled over and started coughing, but the teacher just walked by and didn't notice. I loved it.**_

_**Anyway, I'm gonna try to update this more. I like where the story is going.**_


	3. Short Lived Happiness

_**Well, well, well...It's been less than a year this time! Around...7 or 8 months? I'm working on it. Well, this is the next chapter. I own nothing.**_

_**Sorry for not updating but I've been busy lately. I had a school production and I have been having issues with my ADD so I had to take medication again...and then that wasn't working well so I had to switch...yadda yadda. I've also been trying to figure things out for the Anime Club at my school, due to the fact I'm Co-President. Annnnnnnnnnnnnd... I have ANOTHER performance coming up for my acting troupe and then I have tryouts for One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest at our theatre...**_

_**A lot has been going on. O0o**_

_**But thank you all for the lovely reviews! I hope this satisfies you and I want to apologize ahead of time for how crappy it is. And short.**_

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French proved to be useless for Kurogane because the teacher decided that she wanted to change seats halfway through a quarter. Now he no longer sat next to Fai. Not only that, they weren't even close enough to pass notes. While the football player was on one side of the room, by the windows in the back, his best friend was right by the door in the front on the other side. Kurogane tried not to yell in frustration. He wouldn't be able to talk to Fai until after school now. The brunette groaned and lowered his head to the desk, realizing he couldn't even do that. He had practice and Fai hated the jocks, much less watching them run around while yelling jeers at him. The two boys had tried having Fai wait, but the results were very undesired.

The last bell rang and Kurogane headed for the locker room. The big teen's face was stuck in a frown due to the fact he had to go spend time with people who were still wary of him. And because he couldn't talk to Fai. But that was a given. Sighing and getting into his uniform, ignoring the looks from his teammates, Kurogane thought of what he'd say to Fai when he was finally able to talk to him.

"Alright boys, hit the showers!" The coach went into his office as the team trickled into the showers, laughing and making jokes. Kurogane hung behind and began his shower after the other boys had left. His hair stuck to his forehead as he lean against the wall, the water hitting his back, cold pellets stinging his skin. When he had finished, he walked into the changing area. He removed the towel around his waist until he heard a shuffling at the end of the row of lockers. Being in a corner, Kurogane felt his chest tighten as he brought the towel up, covering himself as he saw a staggering figure at the end of the row.

"Who the hell is there?" Kurogane heard his voice waver, but didn't have time to think as he saw his coach come out of the shadows. "Coach?"

"Kurogane..." Kurogane stiffened as he heard his coach speak. The older man's voice was slurred and he wasn't walking straight, sure signs of him being drunk. Kurogane backed into the lockers and eyed his coach.

"What do you want, sir?" Kurogane figured that being polite would be the best way to get out of whatever situation this was.

"You... You showered last today, didn't ya?" The coach loudly snorted and moved closer. "Probably wanted to watch them other boys, eh? Cause you're a faggot, right?" Kurogane flinched from the man's words.

"I am, sir, but I showered last because—"

"Shut up!" Kurogane blinked and looked at the man who was now too close for comfort. "You... You'll ruin me. I can't have a winning football team with a faggot as the quaterback." Kurogane moved his head away from his coach's, the smell of alcohol too strong. His face was roughly pulled back and Kurogane felt his chest tightening again. His coach, a man in his mid 50's, kissed him. Vomit came up Kurogane's throat and he pushed the man back. "What?" His coach snarled. "Don't you like this, you queer?"

"Get off me!" Kurogane protested but his coach was strong, much stronger drunk than he had hoped. As his coach continued to slur insults at him, Kurogane's towel fell to the ground. Kurogane's yells echoed off the empty locker room walls.

Kurogane came to school, his head hanging low. He had bags under his eyes and his face was paler than usual. Fai bounced up to him, happily surprised.

"You're here early for once! What's the occasion? You have some work to make up?" Fai was glad he got to converse with his friend a little longer than usual, and he showed it. Of course, he was happy to get to see Kurogane in all his athletic glory, his red eyes, tan skin, pale face, haggard look, lost expression— "Kurogane? What's up?"

"Nothing, Fai. I'm fine." Kurogane wasn't surprised that Fai noticed the difference, but he couldn't say he was happy he was prodding.

"Kurgy," Fai began.

"Really, Fai!" The older teen snapped. A few passers by looked at him and scurried off. Fai looked at him, his blue eyes wide. "Really... I'm fine. Just, leave me be. I need to be alone right now," Kurogane whispered. Fai moved toward him a moment, but Kurogane's cold shoulder made him retreat. He walked off, confused and hurt about his friend's reaction. Kurogane leaned against his locker and covered his face, trying to calm himself down. He knew he'd have to apologize to Fai, but right now he was too on edge. Too nervous. He could still feel it. All the pain. He shuddered and headed to his first hour, his head pounding.

Fai had no idea what was going on with Kurogane. The boy hardly ever snapped at him, and when he did, it was after Fai had told him he had gone on a date. Kurogane was an aggressive person, but he hardly ever got really mad with Fai. So, the blonde was thoroughly confused.

What had happened to his friend? What was going on?

_'You like that, faggot?'_

_ 'Come on, slut, tell me how much you enjoy this... I know you do.'_

_ 'SCREAM FOR ME.'_

_ Kurogane muffled his cries for help, too stubborn and afraid to give into the yells from the man above him. He could feel the bruises forming he was so sensitive, and his eyes shot open when he felt excruciating pain from his backside. His screamed, his voice becoming hoarse as he felt his insides burning. His eyes rolled back in his head and he passed out, a gross voice ringing in his head..._

_ 'You ain't a fuckin' virgin no more, homo.'_

Kurogane snapped awake. He had dozed off in study hall and regretted it. The memories flooded him and he was on the verge of crying. He covered his face and breathed heavily, feeling vulnerable and weak. He began to feel dirty, dirty and used. His eyes tightened shut, but shot open when only images of his whorish self flashed before his eyes.

He wasn't a virgin anymore. He was impure.

And it was all his fault.

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_** And there we go! What happened to Kurogane!**_

_** Imma work on the next chapter and I hope this tides you over.**_


	4. Avoidance

**A/N: Okay. Seriously sorry for this being out so late. I have been crazy busy. I've had 3 shows I've been in and they have all overlapped. I also have had a lot of school work that I've had to deal with. I have ADD (not saying this for any reason other to explain) so it's hard for me to focus on school, which makes most school work difficult. See, I have this tendency to do my homework, not finish one problem, then not turn it in. Or not do it. Or do it all, think it's done so wrong I'll look stupid, and not turn it in. I'm learning to turn it in no matter what, but it's difficult. Damn perfectionism. Then I had finals and all that and I had practices for a fourth show. And one of my friends committed suicide before graduation which made things difficult. Things have been hectic. Anyway! I actually did write a 4th or 5th or, uh, whatever chapter...god it's been too long...a while back. My computer got infected, however, and I had to wipe it. Can you say bye bye chapter? I had to. Now, I did this most likely all in one night, so bear with me. I just wanted to work on it because I felt bad for neglecting this story so much.**

**Love all the reviews I got, you guys make me so happy. I'm glad you all like it. And, I'd just like to explain one thing.**

**Most football coaches are pretty strong. And Kurogane is in high school. Yeah, there are beefy guys, but I'm trying to be slightly realistic in this. And for those who believe that he wouldn't whine and say "Ooooh, boohoo, I'm helpless, waaaaaaah," he's not going to. Kurogane is a strong person, but that kind of thing can tear down even the strongest of walls. I'm not saying that Kurogane will be unaffected, but he's not going to be loud about it. Being raped as a man is almost like an attack at your masculinity and strength. Being overpowered and having something that horrible happen, being the victim, makes a man feel less confident about himself. Things are going to be different for Kurgy now, and he's not going to be sure about himself.**

**I wrote this to show that even the most feminine man can be strong, and even the most masculine can be frail. I'm not trying to offend anyone or the characters. Bad things happen, people.**

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**To all who got this, love you even MORE. And, I give you a prize. A new chapter! **dorky grin****

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****EDIT** So, I am finally getting back to this after having a heartfelt moment where I described everything and how I was finally getting back to this story, then falling through on that. Again, I have been busy. Because I am starting college this upcoming fall. SOOOO much work. I am accepted now, but I've also been in many shows. My October was CRAZY, I'm currently in 3 shows, recently finished a 4th, and today was the first time in MONTHS I've been at home for an afternoon during the week. So, I am finally getting back to this. I doubt anyone is counting on this, and honestly I'll probably rewrite it, but yeah. I wasn't scared off by negative comments. I'm just a lazy ass mofo who sucks at commitment.**

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**Also, fun fact, only recently were men added to the definition of who could be raped. I was so angry, I couldn't think straight. Angry that it wasn't already included. But you don't want to get me started on my rant about feminism and sexism and how I want equality for all. I'm a feminist, but I do acknowledge that men don't have it easy either.  
**

Fai was pissed. He couldn't stand it when his friend brushed him off or ignored him, especially when Fai could tell something was wrong. He knew Kurogane like the palm of his hand, the back had too many freckles, and there was something very, very wrong. It was lunch time for him and he whipped out his phone, fingers flying over the keys on his phone as he rapidly texted his best friend.

Kurogane jumped when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket and not so subtly slapped his hand to his thigh. His English teacher shot him a look, but shrugged it off when Kurogane just smiled awkwardly. Kurogane waited a moment, vaguely listening to the lecture, before pulling out his phone.

-_So, asswipe, going to tell me what the hell that was about this morning?_

Kurogane smiled a little, but it faded quickly. Of course Fai could tell there was something wrong. He knew his friend had noticed that this morning, but the boy had now gotten wind of the possible seriousness of it. It was troubling for Kurogane. Fai could read his expressions better than anyone else. He really wished that he couldn't right now. He hid his phone as the teacher turned around before texting back.

-_I'm just grumpy. It's nothing._

Fai huffed, puffing out his cheeks. Kurogane couldn't seriously be trying to pass off the morning as grumpy. Kurogane was always grumpy. There was something different about him this time. He looked sickly and it worried Fai. The blonde stared at his phone, well aware that Kurogane didn't want to talk about feelings, especially his own. Kurogane was proud, almost too proud for his own good. Fai inhaled and closed his eyes, leaning his head back. If something was wrong, it made Kurogane feel weak, which meant the brunette wasn't going to talk about it. The corner of Fai's mouth twitched however and he flipped open his phone again, fingers flying over the keys.

-_If it was nothing, you would have told me about it. It's obviously something._

Kurogane's nose wrinkled in annoyance. Fai was too nosy. And he knew Kurogane too well. That's what he got for making friends. Slipping his phone back in his pocket, Kurogane opted not to reply. At least not until class was over. Fai didn't need to know everything about his life. Fai didn't need to know everything about him. He was his friend, not his therapist.

Fai angrily went to French, ready to confront Kurogane about his elusiveness. He passed by a few boys from the football team and easily ignored their taunts. He sat down in his desk when he reached the room, waiting for the tall boy to enter. He never did. By now, Fai had his hands clenched in fists, a pencil shaking in his grip. He knew Kurogane hated talking about feelings, but he had never gone to this extent before. Fai shot out of the room like a bullet the minute the bell rang and looked for Kurogane the rest of the day, sending repeated texts to his friend.

-_Where are you?_

-_Where ARE you?_

_ -Why aren't you in French?_

_ -Answer me._

_ -I'm getting angry, Kurgy-poo._

_ -Ok, really, where are you?_

_ -Are you avoiding me?_

_ -I'll find you._

_ -Kurogane, stop being childish._

_ -I'm really worried for you now. What is wrong?_

Kurogane ignored Fai's texts, leaving his sleek phone in his pocket. He stared up at the sky, laying on the grass. He had seen his coach again and had frozen, fear overwhelming him. He had felt so small, so terribly small. He could remember the smirk that had been plastered on those lips so well. He had felt that smirk against his lips, skin. By the time he had calmed down, class was halfway over. Not feeling up to the rest of the day, he had ditched. He walked to the park near his house, grateful for the fresh air. He was sore all over and suddenly everything was as painful as it had been before. He stumbled, leaning against a trash can nearby for support. He closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to rid himself of the images floating around, screaming in his mind. Gripping the metal edge of the trash can, Kurogane breathed deeply, trying to calm down. Blue and blonde flashed through his mind and he relaxed for a moment before his stomach fell to his feet and he tensed again. Fai. Fai would never be able to see him the same. Kurogane was his rock, a solid he could depend on. Kurogane had always protected Fai when the teasing got to be more than the boy could handle. Fai had always, always told him how much he appreciated Kurogane's strength. How much he appreciated his support. How could Fai depend on him? He couldn't even save himself. He couldn't even fight back. He couldn't do anything. He didn't do anything. Where did that leave him? Where did that leave Fai? Kurogane pushed away from the trash can and stumbled to a grassy area under a tree, laying there until he fell asleep. The buzzing of the phone in his pocket is what had awoken him and he knew it was Fai. He checked for the time and saw numerous missed messages which he opted to ignore. He felt his phone continue to go off, but again found himself not caring. His heart was heavy and he need to sleep. School was over now, so he was safe to go home. He didn't care if he got hounded about skipping. He would just spout some lame excuse. Maybe he would get grounded and wouldn't have to see Fai.

Fai waited for Kurogane for half an hour before giving up and heading home. His anger had turned to worry before finally turning to sadness. Maybe he was avoiding him. What would have gotten Kurogane so worked up? Did someone tell him that Fai liked him? Was he feeling awkward about it? Dread filled up in Fai's stomach as he pondered that possibility. He wrapped his arms around himself, wishing he knew what was wrong with Kurogane. Pausing in his journey home, he switched directions. He kept his head up, making his way to Kurogane's house. He wasn't going to let this slide. He needed to know what was upsetting his friend. He needed to fix it. He couldn't let Kurogane be unhappy. Kurogane didn't deserve that.

Kurogane lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. His head swam, constantly going under without enough breath to stay there. He was drowning in his thoughts and just wanted it all to stop. He shed his clothes, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror before turning on the shower. He stepped in, grabbed a bar of soap and a cleansing brush, turned up the heat of the water, and set out to clean himself. His tanned skin reddened at the intense scrubbing, a few welts popping up with scratches that bled, the tiny bulbs of red washing away under the hot water. Kurogane closed his eyes, practicing more breathing exercises. They calmed him enough that he could think halfway clearly. He began to calm down, the shame in him beginning to shrink when he heard his mother call up the stairs.

"Honey! Fai is here to see you!"

With those few words the shame returned, tenfold. Kurogane choked out a noise he was surprised to have made and he shut off the water, rushing out of the bathroom, towel drying his hair as he jumped into a pair of briefs and sweatpants. He grabbed a long sleeved shirt, tossing that on as well. He rolled the sleeves up to three-quarters before heading downstairs, part of him wanting to see the person who made him feel so calm, so much more like himself, another part of him not wanting to see the person who made him wish he had been stronger. He swallowed and walked into the kitchen, barely able to acknowledge the blonde before Fai had enveloped him in an embrace. Kurogane stiffed and pushed Fai away. Fai stared up at him, hurt blending with confusion in the blue eyes. Kurogane stared at him, letting a flicker of fear and shame mar his face before he went back to his usual disgruntled look. Fai took his hand, holding it gently, doing nothing more. The two wandered up to Kurogane's room silently. Kurogane stared at Fai, who stared back. Fai opened his mouth to say something and Kurogane's heart prickled. He didn't want to hear anything from Fai, so he did the first thing he could think of. He leaned forward and kissed Fai. The blonde froze before easily melting into the kiss. Kurogane's mind flashed, DANGER repeating in his mind, but he didn't stop. He needed this. He needed to feel better. He needed to feel strong. He needed to be in charge. Fai would let him.

But what on earth was he getting himself into.


	5. Confrontation

**A/N: College started. Busy. Homework. Midterms coming up. Lazy fuck. If anyone STILL reads this, I want to meet you and give you a hug because holy shit I would have given up. Also, I am updating the story. Going back and rewriting it. So things may be added in and what not. Rewrote the first chapter, but thought I should finish this chapter first then go back and rewrite.**

Fai pulled back, looking Kurogane in the eye. At least, he tried to. His friend wouldn't look up, his breathing short. The blonde reached out for his friend, who pulled away sharply, almost falling off the bed. Fai pulled his hand back, eyes widening before narrowing.

"Kurogane, please tell me why you did that." The blonde watched his friend, who didn't move or say a word. Fai waited for a response, but the brunette didn't budge. He didn't move, didn't speak, didn't explain himself. Fed up, the tall blonde stood. "If that's all you wanted to do, kiss me and then act like I fucking raped you or-."

"SHUT UP!" Fai startled and the anger in Kurogane's voice. The young man stood, shoving Fai against the wall. "You think I'd ever let anyone-you or anyone-do that? I'm not weak! I'm not fucking weak!" Fai struggled against his friend, coughing a little. "Only faggots let that happen to them!"

"What the hell?!" Fai shoved Kurogane away, furious. "I didn't say you were weak you asshole! I'm sorry for insulting your manhood! And, if I recall the other day correctly, or just now for that matter, you are a faggot! You like men, you like having sex with men, you like kissing men-" Fai's sentence was cut off when Kurogane tackled him. The two wrestled, punches being thrown and kicks lashing out. There was a cry for help and suddenly hands were pulling the two apart. Kurogane's eyes were flashing, anger and pain reflecting in the brown. Fai glared, wiping his bloody nose.

"Fai honey, do you want some Kleenex?" Kurogane's mother held out some tissues, worry etched on her face. Kurogane's father was talking with his son. Fai looked at her, then at the two men, before standing.

"I think I should just go. I'm obviously not wanted here right now. See you at school, Kurogane." Fai stalked out. He could feel Kurogane watching him as he left the room, but couldn't find it in himself to care. He was so angry. Angry with Kurogane. Angry that he kissed him. Angry that he was so touchy. Angry that he punched him. But he was also angry with himself for kissing and punching back. Something was obviously wrong and as he entered his house he realized he may have not helped. He may have made the situation much worse.

Kurogane couldn't believe himself. He couldn't believe Fai. He just couldn't believe. Everything had been going fine until Fai pulled away and opened his big mouth. Why did Kurogane have to explain? They were friends. Friends could kiss friends. Kurogane held his head, groaning quietly. His parents had finally left him alone and he felt worse than ever. Staring at the wall, he knew he should be grateful that Fai pulled away. It wasn't like he wasn't aware it was a bad thing to do. Kurogane growled and kicked the wall. He then stood, pacing. He did push-ups, sit-ups, chin-ups, anything he could to calm his mind. His room smelt of sweat when he finally collapsed onto his bed again. Exhausted, Kurogane fell asleep and did not wake until dinner.

School was awkward. Kurogane was sporting a terrible black eye and Fai had a spilt lip, his nose even looking a little crooked. They avoided each other, afraid to confront the other. Tomoyo took it into her own hands.

"You need to talk to him," she said. Two pairs of eyes locked, one quickly looking down. Tomoyo sighed. "If you don't talk you will miss lunch." Silence. Finally, Fai spoke up.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you. I don't know what upset you, but I'll think about it and then I won't do it again." Fai's voice was soft and Kurogane felt a little better.

"Don't. I overreacted. I'm sorry. Your nose still looks good." Only awkward silence met the compliment. The two boys stood and walked away. Tomoyo didn't stop them.

Fai found himself thinking about what could have upset Kurogane. He tried to think about what he said. He tried to think about how it would connect to how Kurogane had been acting. Nothing seemed to fit. Fingers tangled in blonde hair as Fai wracked his brain to figure what had gone wrong. Maybe Kurogane didn't want to kiss him. Maybe he had misread the kiss. But how does one even do that? Fai cursed under his breath, not so gently pulling his fingers out of his hair. Closing his eyes, Fai went over it again. After a moment his eyes snapped open. Suddenly everything began to fit together. Fai gasped for air, gripping his stomach. He ran to the bathroom, ignoring his brother's yells, and threw up in the toilet. He gagged, choking on the air he breathed. He felt sick. So sick. He hoped he was wrong.

Kurogane glared at the woman in front of him. It had been a few weeks since he and Fai had fought. Though convinced they had at least worked something out, Kurogane hadn't seen his friend in a while. Whenever he did see him he was going into the counselor's office. Now, he found himself called down to talk to the same woman Fai had been talking to. He shifted in his seat, looking away.

"Is there a reason I am here?" Kurogane tried to make his voice as rough as possible.

"There is someone who is worried about you, Kurogane." Ginryuu laced her fingers together as she spoke. "They are worried something bad happened to you."

"Well they're wrong. Can I go now?" Kurogane really didn't like where this was going.

"No. Is there something wrong, Kurogane? Did something happen to you?" She tried to be as gentle as she could with him.

"Nothing happened to me, ok? Tell this someone that he should come talk to me if he is so worried."

"Kurogane, he's worried about you."

"Why? Because I just came out and get teased now? He's dealt with it his whole life. I can fucking deal with it too! I'm not weak."

"Nobody said you were."

"Well I'm not. I'm not weak and I can handle this."

"Can you?"

"Why is he so worried? He should be more worried about himself!"

"He is afraid something very bad happened to you, Kurogane."

"Oh like what?!"

"He thinks you might have been raped, Kurogane." Ginryuu lowered her voice, eyes locked onto Kurogane. The boy froze, pupils dilating. "Kurogane?"

"He's wrong." He shook, terrified and angry at the same time.

"I don't think he is."

"Well he is!" Kurogane yelled, trying to make it all stop.

"Kurogane!" Ginryuu's voice demanded silence and obedience. Kurogane stared at her. "If something happened, I want to help you. You can deny it to him all you want, but I want you to tell me the truth. You can tell him when you are ready. But I need to know who did this. I need to know so they won't do it to anyone else."

"I..." Kurogane's throat went dry and he shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Then at least tell me. Tell me with your own words what happened. That's all I need right now. I cannot just assume. I need you to tell me."

"I was..." Kurogane could feel himself shrinking. He could feel the shame overwhelming him. He was disgusted with himself. He just wanted things to be normal.

"If you tell me, I can help. Things will not be the same, but I can damn sure try to make them as close as possible." Kurogane locked eyes with her, his breathing quickening. He was on the verge of a panic attack.

"I was raped," Kurogane whispered, panic gripping him. He tried to shove it down, gasping for breath. He heard voices, but everything was muffled. The only thing he could hear clearly was his heart and how fast it was beating. Then everything went black.


End file.
